Image source - http//thehindu.com
As I stared at the deserted auto stand, my hopes of reaching home started to fade away. In such scenarios a mobile phone can come to your rescue as you can:
- Ask your friend to come and pick you up from that unknown place.
- Call up city taxi if you are in a big city.
- Just dial some random number and pretend to be busy because the entire world is taking a lot of interest in your plight (laugh a lot while talking over phone – present a rosy picture).
Having represented category 3 on numerous occasions, I knew the standard procedure. I dialed the only number which never disregards my calls – my bank’s IVR service. While I keyed in all the personal details which no one ever cared to ask before I opened a bank account (a big thank you, big thank you), I espied a solitary auto at the stand suddenly emerged out of thin air . Ignoring the apathetic look on the driver’s face I climbed in as the IVR pronounced – ‘and your available balance is….’ An adrenaline rush swept through my veins and my hands trembled with trepidation, and all I could hear was 1000 bees buzzing in my eardrums – he started the engine. My available balance remained a mystery and I disconnected the call.
Demonstrating a combination of salsa and jazz moves he took a swirling 180 degree turn while I clung onto the nearest handle available with an identical posture – we kicked off the ride in grandiose style. My entire body was bouncing like a boiling egg except my eyes which were fixed at the meter witnessing an epic display, I am sure all privileged auto commuters will be able to visualize that. Meter readings do not follow any particular pattern; they generally defy all the laws of arithmetic progression.
The road looked a little unfamiliar after a while and I realized that I am on a city tour. Needless to mention here that this was not my hometown as there is no provision of a longer route here. There is only one road and an auto ride wouldn’t last for more than 5 minutes. I was seething with indignation, but decided to be pragmatic and defer the fit of fury till I reached home. I was counting on a group of backstreet boys who used to grace the road in front of my house the entire day and incidentally I knew them – you just messed with the wrong guy, dude; a vengeful smile descended across my face. I stopped the auto few meters away from my house exactly where those backstreet boys were standing; an animated discussion about Salman Khan’s latest action flick was underway. The total fare came up to 150 rupees as per meter reading combined with that complicated calculation which would have made Einstein stammer for sometime.
Backstreet boys sauntered towards me. I smiled at them, rolled up my sleeves, and asked the auto guy to come out. They smiled back and nonchalantly walked past me, I was on my own as the auto driver came out. He was 4 inches taller than me and definitely 50 lbs heavier. I bravely faced him and said “I am giving you the money just because you burnt fuel, I am a man of principle; but god is watching you” blatantly passing the buck to God to settle the scores on my behalf as god looked down from heaven and exclaimed “dude???” He looked at me in bewilderment and returned 50 rupees out of that 150 and said “keep it, keep it, but from next time make sure you don’t say left and right without knowing where exactly you are.”
Tampered meter is an integral part of an auto ride but the situation can be lot worse post midnight when you find yourself stranded on the road, as the friend of yours who was supposed to drop you home after party is currently in the loo making an important announcement “eureka, eureka, I think I have just invented steam engine!!” Now the following image will illustrate the entire process that is instrumental in such path breaking inventions.
Image source - http://www.thailandoffroad.com
Heaven will shed tears when you face those oppressive auto drivers in the wee hours when they exhibit certain traits of underworld dons and can quote any figure that pops up in their minds. Everything depends on their immediate requirement, it can be a new mobile phone although at times they might take your mobile to save everyone from the hassle. It is advisable to part away with your mobile phone in such scenarios and just pray to god that they don’t take a liking for your sartorial choices.
Most of the airports have banished auto rickshaws, so the obvious choice there, for people like us, is city taxi. And while we roll down the window and ponder – this is actually quite cheap, the cab driver smiles – you just paid 3 times more than what you would have paid for auto fare. However, they are not banished from railway stations and will never be, and a myriad of autos near railways stations is a testimony to that. You will have a similar experience like the one you had in the previous scenario. If you have prior cardiac ailments, please take the support of something before you initiate the process of negotiation, as the amount which will be hurled at you could possibly send you to the abyss of eternal darkness; this activity is definitely not for the faint hearted.
In spite of all these, we do enjoy the ride. On a late summer night when that fragile vehicle picks up speed and gentle breeze dries your sweat; and you look up and see those ignored, neglected street lights for the first time which always blazed that beautiful stretch of road. And as “pardeshi pardeshi” plays on that broken FM, you lean back on the seat, take off that mask of false pretense and ask the auto driver “increase the volume a bit.”
About Debajyoti
Your posts never have a description on indiblogger n that’s what attracts me to ur wonderful entries.
Loved reading this one. Good job
thanx Antarik. Just posted something. yet to proofread it, was kinda busy. thanx again.
When i was young,getting late for college, i would tell the auto driver”drive as fast as you can”….& now if i ever take an auto it is “go slow i am not in a hurry” …how we change with time !
yes Indu, we change a lot with time
thanx for ur comment and support as always.
Autos are the best
absolutely, autos r the best. thank u so much for the comment
I was a little scared to see the headline and to see that there was no blog at the old address. Good to see the pvt web page. I shall be doing the same soon I believe. But yea great job with the article.. It maintains the spark off humour which u induce in your articles so very well
thank u so much Vinay. it’s not ready yet, may be by next week it will be up and running. just wanted to post something, was getting bored. yet to proofread this one
That was one hell of an anticlimax and I am sure you were driving at it, but the intervention sought by you from the Almighty Himself had a liberating punch!
I quite like the new look of your blog.
ps. Its best not to mess up with supernatural beings such as Auto-drivers and God after midnight.
hey thanx Uma. blog is not ready yet. there r few changes we have to make. i did visit some of the blogs, yours included, to get an idea
. as far as the post is concerned, right now i dont know what exactly i have written, may be i ll check tomorrow. and i totally agree with u – do not mess up with god and auto drivers after midnight 
. thanx a lot for the comment.
Absolutely wonderful to read…good job putting up the website…but isnt the feed working? I had subscribed thru’ email but didnt get ny email bt this new post
i think there is some problem with the feed. coz i moved all non-wordpress subscribers here. i dont think anyone got a notification, will fix it. thanx a lot for the comment, the post needs proofreading
. will do it now
Nice, nice. Quietly left your old place and took an auto in the dead of the night and came here, eh? I too didn’t find this post on my reader subscription. Congratulations. I guess this new address will see you spending more time on the blog.
PS: Wasn’t prepared for the picture as I was reading though, you should make horror movies!
hahaha. that was part of the plan and thanx for reading after some proofreading is done. feeling bad for the other commenters. really ashamed of myself for publishing a post without proofread. it was pathetic
thanx a lot Subh. I guess i missed some of your posts. will clear the backlog
New website and all, eh. Congratulations!!
Love the way it looks.
thanx but you need to read the post as well
When I read the ‘you just messed with the wrong guy’ line, I was reminded of the ‘muscular’ guys u met on the train and thought hmm … Looks like Deb’s turned over a new leaf. But you’re smart. You don’t mess with the wrong guys, do you?
Btw, I too love rickshaws despite all the awful experiences I have had. Honest. Would you believe it if I told u I miss them these days.
no way, i m never going to mess with anyone, especially if i m alone
i love autorickshaw’s too. In my hometown there is no meter so just pay them something. unfortunately the ride here is not fun because it hardly lasts for 5 minutes
You know I never thought i will say that I actually enjoy the auto ride a bit more than the taxi.. when i was living in india I hardly EVer sat in a auto, but I happened to visit Orissa a few times a year for a few years and thats where i had fun riding the auto’s .. I enjoyed it ..
And How do i subscribe to the posts here .. and the new place looks good ..
Bikram’s
thanx a lot Bikram. auto ride is awesome fun!
there are many options to subscribe but i guess the feed is not working right now. my friend is working on it, it ll be up in a couple of days time.
thanx again as always
Dear Bloggers!
After a great success in creating a union of hindi bloggers and readers at “Hamarivani.com”, we are introducing Bloggiri.com speacially for you. At Bloggiri, new readers will meet you, because your blog is simply “You”!
So please visit us & submit your blog to be a part of our mission for a bright future of Indian Blogging.
Team Bloggiri
hahahhahaha…. superb post
thank u so much Chirag
.
dont know why i always hate going in a auto!!!
http://chitranavada.blogspot.com
why it’s such a lovely ride. yes at times even i get irritated with those faulty meters and all.
hey thanx a lot for the comment
So, you finally came up with the new design and the “my .com” thing
Auto Drivers are a menace in all cities as they feel they are the only saviors at wee hours, an interesting write up against these buggers i your own style personified by humor.
everyone is in a mood to thrash those guys
. yes they r no angels, and if u find one auto without a faulty meter then u r the luckiest person on earth.
thanx Arnab for the comment and support as always
i was reading this from my office cabin and just laughed out loud. LOUD! lol, gotta fend my dept head now.
this was an awesomely hilarious post! i have been thru the same scenario zillion times over and it never stops being exciting. playing kabaddi with the driver who tries to drive away despite your pleas to stop; getting him to stop finally; and the ride that’s so out-of-the-world that you see all your dead ancestors a couple of times before you finally get off-dazed from the ride of course.
but gotta give em props for riding the auto despite all the pot holes that give the backbone hell though!
hahahaha absolutely. hey i like that Kabaddi thing, i sud have used it in my post
thanx a lot for this lovely comment. now fend ur dept head
Wonderful reading…Reminded me of my days wen auto ride was the last resort to travel owing to the high fare they charged. I used to call them plunderers without guns
hehe LOL
they r plunderers without guns. at times u end up paying a ridiculous amount in auto fare.
thank u so much for reading my post and this wonderful comment
Love them or hate them but you can’t ignore them. Auto-drivers belong to a breed that can jump signals, pass through spaces where even bikes wouldn’t dare go, overcharge you, even refuse your fare, without the slightest remorse. They know you’ll go to them anyway.
I went through some of your comments and noticed how courteously you reply to each one of them. Appreciate that
yes we cannot ignore auto drivers and we have to go to them again and again.
as far as my visitors are concerned, they spend time to read a post and then write something nice on the comment form which motivates me to continue. and that’s all i write for; these comments. so……………..
and even i have noticed that u reply back to ur comments courteously because we r cool right
?
Oh yess that we are..though have to mention that your comment section is a LOT lengthier than mine
I lost most of my readers when I shifted base from Blogger to WordPress, and the problem is now I don’t have enough time to try and rebuild my reader base. Trying to keep up my writing though
well u can always find some time to let ppl know that u have a blog. i visit all the blogs because i m kind of curious to know what’s there inside
although a faint hope of a return visit is always there at the back of my mind 
. as far as time is concerned, i have absolutely nothing to do these days. so i just chill out and read blogs 
sure, will check it out. thanx a lot
it was a fuuny read..loved it !
i remember there was a tv ad…where pierce brosnan (james bond) had a ride of his lifetime while travelling in an auto rickshaw in india…that made me laugh my wit out…and so this post today !
regards
rahul
hey thanx Rahul. yes there was an ad like that, i vaguely remember that. thanx again for laughing
nice read
thank u so much
That was a wonderfully hilarious post! As a student, i travel quite a bit in autos and I can definitely identify with the situations you have described!
we all go through these situations
. thanks a lot for visiting my blog and i can see some new posts on ur blog, so it’s time for me to visit ur blog now 
Will you stop writing humor for sometime, ? I laughed so much!!! I want to have a break.
Yes, we have to take off the mask and enjoy. I think of it as my contribution towards the poor.
Next time, they spot me, they all clamor, “come madam , please”. What a nice welcome!
yes that clamor is a nice welcome
forget humor, i m not able to write anything now. it all looks kiddish with millions of flaws.
thank u so much for ur comment.
Its been sometime since I visited your blog..was kinda busy.. anyways the point is your posts are still the same.. fast flowing and refreshing to read..
And the scarecrow is back???
oh yes, the scarecrow is back
thanx a lot for reading BK 
Nice writeup. Couldn’t help smiling at the bit where the auto driver returns 50 bucks back.
We mostly have this hassle prone perception about auto-rickshaws partly due to the attitude shown by auto drivers in cities like Bangalore. They will make you agree to whatever price they quote…literally bring you down to your knees.
i know how it is. it’s the same story in all cities. thankfully my hometown is too small and i can avoid auto rickshaws.
thank u so much for reading. i have gone through some of ur photographs. outstanding