What starts as an enjoyable pastime on a morbid Monday morning eventually turns into an impulse-control disorder (sounds like cocaine addiction, eh? Ok continue reading); a defining moment in your life which you would abhorrently look back in retrospect every time you see people coming out of a Puma store with bag full of new collections. Although, it is advisable to blame it on an imaginary friend, in order to evoke some additional sympathy, once you successfully file bankruptcy. By the way, if you are wondering whether you will get some stock picks here or not then I would request you to close this page immediately, as neither I have the ability to do that nor I have any intention to help anyone; especially after that little venture I had in the stock market. For that there is a plethora of business channels who would generously pass on some ground-breaking information just before the market opens. But before you frantically start buying those hidden gems following their recommendations, please inform your friends, family members, and neighbors of you whereabouts, and keep the door open.
Share market; the adrenaline rush, the prospect of making a fortune, and the illusion of doing something worthwhile will keep you occupied till your profligacy lead you to a situation where you have to flex your shoulders at the ATM just to hide the monitor from people standing behind you, for explicit reasons. If you are fortunate, you can make some quick moolah; enough to buy a new car or a house in a few days time depending on your investment (for someone like me, it would be a Chinese mobile or a pair of counterfeit Nike shoes). But just try to be a little careful otherwise you might be seen selling them off in absolutely no time. Due to lack of fund (which you wouldn’t admit in public) your compulsive and uncontrollable urge to trade might subside one day but still you would get up before 9 O’clock in the morning (which is a significant development for those who otherwise get to see the sun only on television), log into your system on time and glued to it the entire day tracking the movements of each and every scripts, especially the ones responsible for your vehicle being used by someone else; and at the end of the day wonder why exactly you did that.
Not too long ago stock market was considered for people with profound knowledge of different intricacies of the trade, but not anymore. Now people have realized that no one actually understands how it works, with the exception of God (which I have my doubts). This has encouraged many people to go on a trading spree only to realize that they were better off having some fun looking at the miseries of others. With growing risk appetite and a mission to conquer the world, you would gradually upgrade yourself to margin trading or futures and options (not recommended for people with prior cardiac ailments) and that’s when a new gamut of emotions unfold for you. Following are the stages of despondency in chronological order:
Day 1 evening: After creating a carnage on your demat account, you invite some of your friends with copious amounts of beverages in the evening just to alleviate the agony which you have been through the entire day. While a house full of friends simultaneously try to engage you in a conversation (ummm..actually, they are just asking you for the opener), your subconscious mind meticulously does a SWOT analysis with the help of the devil and angel within you, or shall I say the black and white characters, like a corny Hindi movie scene. And when the argument reaches its crescendo a divine voice emanates – “go for it dude,” and the black and white disappears. Because of your inebriated state you did not realize that the divine voice was actually your friend’s whose girlfriend you dated once.
Day 2 evening 4:00 PM: You are standing outside an Asian paint shop for reasons beyond comprehension, slightly disoriented, talking to yourself and smiling at strangers. You have already switched to Saffola for the mild chest pain which you have developed over the past couple of days. However, that doesn’t mean that you are not analyzing the market. What you need here is a little professional help. No, not analysts, I am talking about a shrink. Analysts are usually in a more precarious situation than you are right now. With their unintentionally spiked hair, bleary eyes, quivering voice and trembling hands (if you are finding it difficult to conjure an image then just picture Sreesanth after he had that little discussion with Harbhajan) if they demonstrate any credibility according to you, then good luck and god bless you. Just keep a 10 rupees note for an STD call to your parents for a one way ticket in case you are staying alone. But yes shrinks can help you. They might charge you enormously only to make you realize how vulnerable you are, but it will provide temporary relief as you will be staying away from your research and most importantly they will gleefully accept even the last 5 rupees coin which you had in your wallet.
Day 15 (assuming you are still alive): you are probably standing outside the same paint shop on the brink of insanity, hysterically disconnecting the phone calls of your debt collector. By the way, he is the only person who calls you these days as your philosophical views on life have already ensured that you have less number of friends than you used to have few days back. You will be frequently visiting temples, and while God welcomes (in a state of shock) his newest devotee you blatantly put across your plea “one jackpot and I am off”.
But even God will not be able to help you achieve permanent abstinence. However, if you really want to accomplish that goal then here is something that you can do – sell your property, sell your car, sell everything that you have except that Calvin Klein thing; invest the entire sum accumulated through this process in an IPO, or donate it to a temple. Either way, the result will be the same, you will only be seen in that Calvin Klein attire for the rest of your life.