Image source - http://www.colorflys.com
“VANAKKAM CHENNAI!!! It’s match 54 of DLF IPL, Chennai Super Kings versus Mumbai Indians!! We are minutes away from the toss!” a hysterical Ravi Shastri tests the threshold of his vocal cord, bringing back fond memories of my childhood when we ambled through the mela ground in my town and the circus party announced various activities on the mike. He continues his relentless assault on my television speaker, “Jam-packed stadium here in Chepauk today . . . I mean, people are still coming and by the time the match starts, I am sure, we will have a full house watching this clash of titans!!!”
Wriddhiman Saha (grins): He called me titan!!
Badrinath: You are not in the team today.
Shastri reduces his decibel level and wanly looks at Laxman Sivaramakrishnan, “I had asked you to bring your family along; they would have at least occupied few seats.”
Sivaramakrishnan: No, they are watching a movie. By the way, why do you chant everything like shloka? Anyway, continue.
“I have Harbhajan Singh with me. So Bhajji, how is the morale in the dressing room after your win in the last match?” the messiah of Indian cricket poses a billion dollar question; the nation awaits an answer.
“Excellent, the team is jelling pretty well. Our owner has been very supportive.” his eyes dart towards the VIP box inadvertently.
“What do you think your chances are of winning the cup this time?”
“We are taking one game at a time, but yes, we would love to win the cup . . . for our owner.” Nita Ambani nods from the VIP box.
“And is the big man, Kieron Pollard, playing today? He can change the course of the match single-handedly.” Shastri portrays the picture with dramatic intonation.
Harbhajan grunts ‘I have been hearing this for past 5 years. He hasn’t accomplished anything so far other than guzzling down some free booze during after match parties.’ He glares at the hypothetically destructive batsman, currently signing autographs “yes, he is playing.” Harbhajan replies matter of factly.
“Thanks Bhajji; over to you Shiva.”
Sivaramakrishnan: So Dhoni, who is replacing Ravindra Jadeja today?
Dhoni: No, he is playing. He is one of the key members of our side.
Shivaramakrisnan (grumbles): He should ideally be looking into alternative career options.
Everyone looks at Jadeja warming up in one corner with his new CSK haircut; an explicit artwork symbolizing joy, confusion, fear, and lack of self respect. Due to scarcity of space on his head, he couldn’t inscribe the full message i.e. – ‘I will always be grateful to CSK for paying me two million dollars.’
‘I think I deserve it. Don’t know why a section of people believe that the decision to sign me for two million dollars was carried out under the influence of alcohol.’ He runs towards the dressing room to get some water for Dhoni.
Image source - http://www.csk247.blogspot.in
Somewhere in India Vikas asks Ramesh: Why a haircut and not a tattoo?
Ramesh: Because he is not sure about his future with CSK. He is a tad smarter than Deepika Padukone.
Harbhajan wins the toss and decides to bowl.
“Why have you chosen to bowl, Bhajji?”
He glances towards the VIP box again. He wishes he could pour his heart out today. He wants to wipe his tears, point his finger at Nita Ambani and whine, “She said!!! And, you know, she wants Munaf Patel to open the batting! She also said that if we don’t win today then I will be dancing with cheerleaders in all the remaining matches.” However, he controls his emotions and replies observantly “there is some dew on the pitch which should be helpful for our seamers.”
Shastri looks at the scorching sun to identify the source of dew and ponders ‘which seamer? Malinga doesn’t need a pitch and Munaf Patel’s bowling endeavors cannot be described with cricketing terminologies.’
“Back to you guys in the studio.” Shastri concludes the pre-match formalities.
Isa Guha (Indian origin, played for England, now in India [the land of opportunities for pretty girls, NRIs, and people with criminal records] to maximize her post-retirement benefits) in the studio clad in appropriate attire for the summer. Sidhu mutters, ‘Even I should have come in my shorts, it’s too hot outside.’
“Mumbai versus Chennai, Sachin versus Dhoni; it’s a mouth watering prospect!!” beaming with smile Gaurav Kapoor looks at the guests “We caught up with some of the fans before the match. Let’s take a look.” everyone turns towards the screen hurriedly before Sidhu could launch his garrulous onslaught.
“Which team are you supporting today?”
“CSKKKKKKK……..” a frenzied wail establishes the grim realities of careless attitude towards mental illness in our country.
Sidhu: Who is he?
Gaurav: An out-of-work theater actor from Delhi.
“Sounds like your profile.” Sidhu quips and looks at the screen again, “RAVI BHAIYA, what do you have to say about this fan support?”
“This is called city loyalty. Look at the craze amongst the fans!” Shastri exclaims with an enthusiasm that can otherwise be seen in HomeShop 18 ads.
Match starts
Shastri: This year it’s all cricket. Quality of the tournament has improved by leaps and bounds from where it was during Lalit Modi’s tenure as chairman.
Danny Morrison: Psst . . . I think Lalit Modi has won the case against BCCI and might come back as chairman again.
Shastri (continues): Having said that, what Lalit Modi has done for IPL is commendable, COMMENDABLE!! (Whispers) Where do you get so much of inside scoop from?
Morrison: I love Indian cricket. I love India.
Shastri: You just stalk everyone on twitter. And didn’t you have a different opinion about India before IPL became your primary source of income? Anyway, we have a pulse question here – ‘who is India’s all time great batsman?’
80% says Dhoni and 20% Sachin.
“They are our new generation of cricket fans. They just check the latest score on internet.” Harsha Bhogle explains in a hushed tone.
Pommie Mbangwa: Wait a second! Now it’s 19% Sachin and 1% says . . . Munaf Patel?
Harsha: Well, that must be Mrs. Ambani.
Shastri: We have one more question for you all – ‘Who is Sunil Gavaskar?’
Gavaskar (shudders): Why drag me into all this?
Shastri: Ok, 1% says former cricketer, 30% says television presenter and 69% says Vodafone contest winner.
Pommie: Just wondering who those 1% are ha ha ha.
Gavaskar (mumbles): Thanks Rohan.
Mumbai wins a last-ball thriller, keeping everyone on the edge of the seat. This has been the trend this year; it generates more TRP.
Somewhere, Vipin asks Raju: Did you watch the match?
Raju: No, I think the match was abandoned because they were showing some sher-o-shayari program.
Vipin: No, no, that was Sidhu doing team analysis. That’s when you are supposed to take your loo break.
About Debajyoti
Hi Debajyoti!!
One hilarious post! I dont follow cricket much but still enjoyed it a lot…Thought of Harbajan dancing with the cheerleaders had me in splits…ha ha
thanks Jayashree. i was actually trying to write something nice and i kept making changes, and then i got confused
. i am sure it’s a substandard post. but thanks a lot for the comment 
thats smartishly funny !! i think you are a huge IPL fan
i love watching cricket, irrespective of the format and i do watch ipl as well. at times it gets boring but otherwise it’s fun. thanks for the comment.
This was much much interesting than the IPL matches. I haven’t touched them after the first season. Anyways, I find cricket very boring and the analysis even more. It’s as if they are laying plans for World War 3.
Enjoyed reading this.
hahaha, world war it is
. yeah, even though i follow ipl but there are lot of things in it which are not right. thank you so much for reading.
lol that was hilarious!! loved it!!
hahaha. thank you so much. glad you liked it
Thankfully, that non-sense which they call cricket is over for the year!!
so, you do watch ipl
thanx for reading
No! I don’t actually. But during IPL – our media seems to forget everything else and only concentrate on IPL. It is just like our saas-bahu saagas – wherever you leave it, you can always catch up!
But I do follow the original league – football!
As usual, a humor loaded post!
hahaha. love it, hate it, but cannot ignore it
. i am scared to check any of the sites today because i am sure, there will be SRK everywhere with this IPL trophy and mouth full of gyans.
Please stop writing humour, can’t laugh any more. Ha ha ha.. Tears are streaming down.
Loved the last para. And the one about Raviji. Last nite I was startled when he started his onslaught.
hugs!
i cannot write anything else
even the quality of humor is also going downhill in my posts. thank you so much for reading.
hey i got your blogspot post notification. will read it at night. if i read now, i won’t understand anything. haven’t slept yet
thanx again and yup hugs
!!
Hey! , I have become net savvy! ( and wordpress savvy, thanks to Somesh), glad to note about the notification.
BTW, you may understand fully awake too, I have not understood it yet.:-)
even i am quite confident about my internet skills although i have to take someone’s help for the simplest of things
hahahaha. will give it my best shot
ROFL, this was one hilarious post
… Loved all your quips regarding Mrs.Ambani and Bhajji 
And I’m glad IPL got over last night, now I can watch tv peacefully without my dad asking me to change the channel every now n then
thank you so much. oh yes, this damn thing is over.
hey i saw your new post as well. will read it tonight. let me make a note of that. i have quite a few pending reads
. i am so lazy.
Thanks for the read and the comment
oh, it was a great read
Ha ha.. I really cant stop the laughter.. Yet another classic Deb
..
Loved the post!
thank you so much Vinay
well, IPL is something which gives us free topic for our blog posts
. And with so much of drama, we can just describe everything the way it happened and it will become a humor post 
thanx again Vinay
You’re quite a commentator! I don’t keep up with cricket, but I can’t help liking your posts on the sport. The parallel stories with Vipin and Vikas was a good idea.
.
did you like this post? honestly, i thought it was not good. i was trying too hard. but if Nambiar says it’s good, then it’s good
i wanted to put those thoughts somewhere, hence parallel stories
Hilarious to say the least!!! Lovely spoof on the celebrities surrounding the game and calling the shots!!
hahahaha. thank you so much. glad you liked you
well, they always call the shots, yeah
That was a superb commentary on the game called IPL, I would give my right ear to listen to stuff like that. Heck, I would give the left too, but then how would I listen to folks like you?
I loved the way you have included those scintillating asides! The IPLers, the sponsors, the cheer-leaders and the crowd: you have spared none. It was nice of you to have included a couple of cricketers too!
thank you so much Uma. Damn, i wish i could comment like you
thankfully this drama is over for now and we will see SRK promoting his movies elsewhere. but with his team winning the cup this time, i am sure he will occupy every screen space for next few days.
had to add few cricketers
lol ! loved it !!!
hahaha. thank you so much. glad you liked it
OMG.. this is absolutely hilarious. Just rip roaring belly tickling comedy. Trust you to do full justice bringing out the IPL tamasha.
Mrs. Ambani and Munaf.. quite a duo. 
Loved the post.. you had me laughing for 15 long minutes. 
hey Raj, long time! where did you disappear? thanks a lot for reading.
yup, Mrs. Ambani and Munaf quite a combination
. thanx again for this lovely comment 
Loved it, loved it, loved it…. Now imagine me saying Spot On assessment, mate Aussie style.
hehehe. thank you. i couldn’t come up with anything else, so decided to write on this drama (being a little two-faced coz even i follow that). talking about Aussies, i wouldn’t mind writing a post on those Aussie cricketers
Howlingarious, Deb!!!!! Hahaha–a haircut instead of a tatoo because he is not sure of his future with CSK -ROFL!
hahaha, thank you. he is lucky that he is a friend of Dhoni and still playing for CSK and India. thanx again
Epic post.
thanx a lot Abhishek
What can I single out Debajyoti! Too many great one-liners in this post. I can only rue the fact that you did not choose to post for every match.
thanks a lot Suresh. i really get confused while writing and delete some of the ‘not so bad’ lines
. i would probably need someone to guide me 
.
if you are saying it’s readable then probably it is. thanks again
.
Pe pe peeeeeeeeeeennnnnnn, Ye IPL hai boss………..:D Oh! It’s over now..:( . The whole season was astonishing just like your this blog.
and SIDDHU……poor SIDDHU…..it’s not his fault. The way laughter challenge got mingled with IPL, it might drove him to a lot of confusion that for which show he has to whoop…:D
Another howling and laughter bomb post..:)
yeah it’s over, sadly
coz i won’t have anything to watch now.
surprisingly sidhu finds everything equally amusing, be it standup comedy or cricket.
thanks a lot for reading ashish
ROFL…Made me hang to the last word.
Excellent!!!
thank you so much for the lovely comment. really struggling to get few visitors, no one is reading this post
He he he he
when i have enough money to buy my own team I will make sure I have you as my PR manager .. I am sure if not the match then we can have some lovely anecdotes of laughter spells 
I thoroughly enjoyed the chat from bhaji he he he nad shastri and all
hey thanx a lot bro
!! not getting comments on this one 
.
i am ready with my resume for the PR job
You dont need a resume .. noooooooooo its urs for sure and Not a job as in a JOB, I dare not say that .. I wont have a team if you are not in it ..
if you know what i mean
done!! and we will make fun of all other team owners
Bhajji wanted to say,’She said!’ ROFL You have got all the inside information pat Deb. Loved it! Though it started off rambling, it picked up tempo and delivered the last ball thriller
Just like a 20-20 match!
I don’t follow cricket anymore, but if we had commentators or even analysts like you, I might just begin to follow it again
hey, where are you commenting from
? i thought Zephyr will come back and then she will read my posts. Thank you so much 
and also for the Tamil translation. i will not be able to write any post without your help 
did you like this? i thought it’s a bad post and i need to quickly write the next one and brush it under the carpet. thanks again
The best part was Sidhu’s sher-o-shayari. Maybe you should have included Shah Rukh Khan’s dance for ‘Chammak chalo’ at the end. I know, it’s not KKR, but he wouldn’t have minded some (more) publicity.
Destination Infinity
hahaha, yeah that’s right but i had already written about KKR’s drama or rather SRK’s drama in part 1 so i thought i will cover other people
.
oh Sidhu is the best. whenever i cannnot come up with a topic, i just write on him
thank you so much for the comment
Hey debjyoti
i liked the post …Hilarious
hey thank you so much!! glad you liked it
teehee, this was hilarioussssss! ROFL! IPL is rotting and with so many extras on the screen, where is the time to show the actual match. Its too much of a melodrama with an close ending always. Not sure how long the excitement will last!
hey, thank you so much!! IPL is already losing its sheen. this year i just watched few matches because i had absolutely nothing to do. i would love to see more cricket than these drama with a (possible) fixed result. and too many people involved with the tournament to add, what they call, glam factor.
thank you once again for reading
I was eagerly waiting for something on IPL after your post on IPL inauguration ceremony. Once again this post was worth reading than watching a circus called IPL
thank you so much. very few people remember any post which they read on my blog
. thanks again for this lovely comment 
haha… hilarious ending!
Although, the extra inning, kinda makes me scratch out my eyeballs!
thank you so much
. it could be so much better if they have people with some cricketing knowledge hosting the show (i am not talking about people like Sidhu). look at star cricket. it’s an absolute delight to watch the pre-match show there.
thanks again for the comment
LOL! that was Hilarious Deb! i so wish the commentary team n siddhu would read this !
hahaha. thank you so much. sidhu should be a universal choice for people like me who cannot come up with a topic
superlike this post Deb!!!
that was a hilarious one off course!!!
am gonna re-read it now!!!
rahul
thanks a lot Rahul and thank you for the re-read. no one does that