“You have notifications pending!!!” An e-mail from an unidentified source reminded me of my dormant status on facebook; one of those rare occasions when my mail id was actually used for communication and not for registration purposes. After retrieving a long forgotten ID with the associated password, I logged into facebook and immediately greeted by the photograph of a dog shared on someone’s wall (image source – google). I know the drill; copied an existing comment and pasted it – “so cute!”
Read it somewhere that being active on facebook is a stress buster; I am sure it is, but with five people on the friendlist, it can be a challenging task. Out of those five people, four were my real life friends, who transformed into facebook friends with occasional comments on status messages or likes, and now they are just four names on the list who upload photographs for my perusal. And the fifth friend is the above mentioned individual who sent me a friend request few years back for some unknown reasons. Since then, I have witnessed extreme spectrums of emotion on that friend’s wall. When this congenitally distressed individual’s breakup news was posted on the wall, I was the one who commented “life goes on” followed by a click on the like button. Need to be careful with my comments because a user name with the profile picture of a tree doesn’t give any clear indication about his/her gender either.
Flashback – the learning process:
Inspired by the accomplishments of Bill Gates, I decided to grace a ‘learn computer in 15 days’ classroom several years ago. But my mission to unravel the mystery called ‘computer’ hit an early roadblock as certain bizarre terminologies called www, http, and internet were discussed in the class (my profile picture should give you a rough idea of my IQ level; so, no prizes for guessing that I didn’t understand a thing.). However, my perpetually trouble seeking inner voice whispered “build an early image; be proactive.” A hand raised from the last row with a pen held between thumb and index finger, head tilted slightly towards the right side, legs crossed as the following question was fired at the instructor:
“So, where do you see www ten years from now with Undertaker coming back into the main event?”
A ten seconds pin drop silence was observed to pay homage to my groundbreaking query and then the instructor looked away (I guess, he didn’t have an answer). I tried to simplify it for him with a follow up question but my voice was buried under incessant questions from left, right and …..right. Those questions were slightly different from the one which I articulated with no mention of Undertaker or world wrestling …ummm… whatever.
Surprisingly, while sitting in my friend’s cyber café one day, I realized that I was able to use internet without knowing the definition of the same. Therefore, with his comprehensive support, I created a couple of mail ids and one yahoo chat id, and without wasting any time, logged into yahoo messenger. I was touched by the courtesy of the first individual I was in conversation with and at the same time was awed by his/her typing speed. All my queries were answered at the speed of light. However, after fifteen minutes, the conversation became a little repetitive and that’s when my friend intervened and informed me that yahoo helper is not exactly a human being.
Image source - www.masterthebusiness.com
They say “ignorance is bliss.” So, here I am, twenty years later not only using internet but writing a post on that as well, while the definition still eludes me.
FYI, I don’t even know the full form of HTTP, only know that there is a protocol somewhere in between. If you ask me the meaning of protocol, I will humbly request you to check some online dictionary. But that never deters me from demonstrating the knowledge that I have garnered over the years and my conversation with BSNL customer care can only be described as technical in nature, which includes and not limited to statements like – “there in no connection, can you send someone to check that protocol?”
From gaming portal to online shopping, I have created an id everywhere and meticulously chosen unique passwords that I can remember. I randomly pick names as passwords and add alphanumeric extensions to them. When my boss sent me an invite for an online shopping portal, I used his name as my password with a suffix ‘kutta123.’
People I do not know, people I will never know added me everywhere and subsequently subjected me to various forms of torture. From a passive spectator to their nuptial ceremony photographs to an ardent admirer of their prized possessions, I have played diverse roles in their virtual lives. And that prompted me to look for another feature called unfriend or delete contact. I am not saying that I don’t show off. My new purchases are brazenly flaunted to ensure that those are noticeable to the entire world, even though the worth of those acquisitions would be significantly low. Emulating Superman’s pioneering sartorial arrangement for innerwear display is also under consideration. But for me the fun quotient goes up considerably in a real life scenario.
There must be a few million posts on social networking floating around the web, and I don’t want to join the bandwagon and write off the significance of online friends, but when unfriend option is just a click away it cannot be rated too highly either. And the reason why I decided to write on a clichéd subject is because I couldn’t come up with anything else. If you are still reading this then kudos to you, now please write something on the comment form.
About Debajyoti
You are way too funny, Deb!!! “When my boss sent me an invite for an online shopping portal, I used his name as my password with a suffix ‘kutta123.’”–wait till your boss reads this:)
In btw, if I sent you an invite to a website, what would that password be?
my boss won’t read this
coz i don’t work anymore. moreover, very few people know that i have a blog. and if i tell them, they will laugh at me 
i don’t know, will just pick some name or use an existing password. my boss was special no, that’s why i had to use that extension.
thank you
lol! that was a brilliant laugh a line post!!
thank you so much. i was actually struggling to write something. dunno what i have written
Don’t tell me you don’t know the definition of certain terms. I don’t believe you (not when you look up things like cherry blossom
). You make fun of yourself a little too much, don’t you? 
Never mind. You entertain us religiously.
Hey Deb, when do we get to read your next poem? You know what — I think you should do some limericks. You’ll be great at it.
and now i had to look up limericks. you didn’t like this post
that’s why you are talking about some poem.
with great difficulties i am writing something. cannot even think of writing a poem now. won’t be able to write a single line.
thank you
Gosh! how could I not like YOUR posts. I’m a fan of your writing, believe me
. It’s just that the mosquito poem was so funny; I thought its time for the next.
You write with great difficulty? Then how do you get this flow that you have.
seriously, i am not a natural writer. so, i have to put a lot of effort into each and every post, and yet when i read them later, i find them very ordinary.
hey i didn’t notice those crocodile links but checked now. so much i have learnt
. i went from one link to another. but i need to go back and read properly.
and listen, i am going to resubmit that old post tomorrow which you wanted to read (don’t know why
). plz read it whenever you have time.
Well Written…
I wrote once on how to survive without social networking sites…guess you went one step further..lol
thank you so much. we will gradually take this criticism to next level and update the same on twitter
Lolz
:D…you are too much Deb! Thanks for giving me a hearty laugh:D …enjoyed thoroughly:D
thank you so much Amit
because i don’t know what i have written and don’t have the energy to check either. once i get few comments, i ll log off and sleep 
. thanx again 
Hi
That was super hilarious! You are just too good Deb! Btw I loved ‘a user name with the profile picture of a tree doesn’t give any clear indication about his/her gender either.’ Have faced it so many times, just that I do not accept friends requests from unknown folks…..They atleast need to be related to me in a previous birth he he!!!
hehehehe, then your friendlist won’t be too long
i have actually stopped using facebook. don’t know how to use twitter
. i see my posts get shared there automatically and some of my blogger friends are kind enough to retweet them.
thanks Jaishree
Of all the millions of blog posts on social networking, this one stands out. I would have given anything in the world to see the expression of your instructor who couldn’t clear the legitimate doubt of a genuine student. And what to say about his classmates who didn’t understand the profound query either!
you are indeed a laugh-a-minute riot blogger 
Now wake up and reply my comment!
hahahaha. just got up and i am so happy to see few comments
. i was wondering who will comment on this.
so, you are saying this one is good, eh
? thank you so much for that. i actually never wanted to write on social networking. but then lack of topic compelled me to write this 
.
and the instructors should clear such legitimate doubts. thanx again Zephyr
I have been equally irritated by Facebook at times although I have indulged in all those activities which I think are stupid.
I wrote something on similar lines some months back which was more on photographs uploading etiquettes on Facebook because I was bored of watching sunsets and dogs on Facebook.
Enjoyed this one.
even i have indulged in all these activities before saying good bye to facebook
yes, i couldn’t see anything other than some shared photographs or vague comments like “why it happens to me” kind of
thank you so much for reading
You don’t give yourself enough credit Deb, that’s the definition of humility for you.
I thoroughly enjoyed the post. Undertaker? Really? I laughed like crazy at that!!
Social networking sites are a pain at times, used basically to flaunt a big follower list and to shamelessly show off your personal life. Its ok if you don’t like them.
Where were you all this while? I was wondering you went underground or something
i do give credit to myself, but silently
.
i didn’t go underground, i was desperately trying to write something
social networking is a pain for me
but then it depends on individuals. it can be fun as well if you have decent number of active friends and not few names on the list.
thank you so much for the comment Varsh
ahhh another funny one from you …. really big laugh for this
i was on my way to complete nearby category but yeah..u`v changed my track LOL
really its difficult to pen down up to your humorous style ……….
hey thanks a lot Jasmeet. i thought no one will like this one
. really happy to see few comments and that’s all i write for 
. thanx again 
hmmmm he he he he .. Well I survive without the social netwroking i hardly go on to facebook or other of such sites, the most i do it read blogs .
but that you for the laughs
made my day ah ha friday and weekend is here BLIsssssssssssssss
Bikram’s
hey thanx Bikram. yes, even i survive without social networking
. and absolutely, reading blogs is far more exciting than being on social networking sites.
thank you so much for this lovely comment Bikram
Debajyoti! I live alone and it does no good to my reputation to be laughing out aloud all by myself here:) Am afraid that the neighbours will call for the lunatic asylum to cart me off:) Even if that serious risk does exist, I’d still like more of your posts. Since you never seem to know what you have written may I say ‘Your ignorance is out Bliss?’:)
hahahaha. your comment is far more hilarious than my post, you will drive all my visitors away
.
you know what? i was desperately trying to write something but was not able to. i really envy your writing skills and the ability to write so well without much effort
thanks a lot for this wonderful comment
Deb, you have slashed around with a double-edged sword of humour and cynicism, rendering the faceless netizens naked. I am sure most of us were marked by your weapon at least once during that performance. Like you, I’d also created accounts left, right and centre and given them passwords on vaguely similar lines…(bad idea to reveal one’s password techniques!).
Am I happy I added your name to my Blogroll!
hahahaha. i just wanted to write something. i am not denying the fact that even i have flaunted photographs on facebook at times
(only the good ones).
no one can break my passwords coz i always spell things incorrectly. at times to make it difficult for anyone to guess and mostly due to lack of knowledge
.
i am honored to be on your blogroll. honestly, my blog is not that good. but i am happy. thank you
so deb, i wonder if you are really so illiterate about Internet world? I wonder if you do even a bit of facebooking? damn! i am crazy about facebooking… but now it has been killing me for silly reasons…
people on facebook judge you for all the status you put in there… and all the comments you do… 
I hate that quality of indians.. 
you see, for these reasons, I did delete my first ever facebook profile in nov 2011 and created a new one 4 days later… the same shit started over so i finally decided to discontinue the profile on 18th march 2012… but again got a new profile on 22nd April as a friend insisted me… 
and again i feel like am being judged… so i havent been on facebook for last 2 days and surprisingly, all those claims from people of missing me there seem to be fake.. 
people seem to miss me when they are idle… though i miss all of them even when am amidst work.. 
so i have a long story about it and seems it should be penned down on blogpage… 
anyways! i wonder what was so hilarious about this post? 
i guess so far nothing can beat the train experience and the Share Markets!!! 
expect another post soon!
well, i dont use facebook coz i have deactivated my account. i don’t like fake people, i don’t like people who are not nice to another fellow human being.
well, i tried to write a humor post. apologies, if you didn’t find it good enough. will try my best next time. thanks for the comment anyway
you do have a good memory i must say!!
The current scenario shows that everybody had a g8 impact of Facebook on their life,
they wanna show everything,, even if they watched a movie, they upload it..:P
hehehehe. i know
. hey i wasn’t able to visit your blog. apologies for that. tomorrow i am going to go through your blog. thank you so much for your comment 
Ignorance in indeed bliss. But being a computer science student, I can’t very well add this motto to my education life as it would immediately brand me as “plain dumb” :-/. For the record, I know what www and http stand for, why they are used and how helpful they play a part in a URL, but for the life of me I still don’t know how human beings managed to create them!!
And Facebook used to be a quite place to bust my stress with a game of farmville. That was in the earlier times when none of my friends were on my friends list. Now going on FB gives me unwanted stress. Coz nobody likes to get a series of constant glimpse of all the successful happenings in other person’s life without feeling a little “Jealous” now and then
absolutely, those who create those things are no less than god.
i don’t use facebook anymore for various reasons. yes, jealousy is there everywhere, in real life or virtual life, although i cannot evoke that emotion in someone coz i don’t have much to show off. however, on the other hand, why would someone add a person on friendlist just to let that person know how successful he or she is?
anyway, why bother? we don’t use facebook
. we stay away from all these. we just blog 
.
thanks for the comment Neha
Social networking is reaching the limits of overdose… the bubble will burst once something more exciting comes up
i am sure people will come up with something else. thank you so much for reading the post
great sense of humour.. i love social networking btw.. still i am student so i hope you can give me a pass .. lol
hahahaha. well i am not saying that i never used social networking. i tried my level best to make full use of those sites but failed and may be that’s why i am a little jealous of those who enjoy those sites. so this post is out of jealousy you can say
.
real brainy post. enjoyed and gained new insights in to choosing passwords.
hehehe. thank you so much. while choosing password, you can also spell everything incorrectly, coz i do that
.
Amazing post.
Oh and HTTP is Hyper Text Transfer Protocol.
hehehe. thank you but I will forget it in another 5 minutes time
. did look up the meaning of internet though; didn’t understand anything 
I love to read your posts but when i come in late there is nothing left for me to say-except that i should have come in early !
thank you so much for the comment. you can visit anytime and read my posts. and i will visit your blog and collect my award
Deb i nominated you for the Versatile Award,in case you are interested please visit http://jeeteraho.blogspot.in/2012/04/one-step-at-time.html …maybe my message did not reach you…prior to this i had also nominated you for the Awesome Award,please visit my site if you are interested otherwise just ignore this.
Kudos to you for your humourous writing skills
And see I am so obedient reader that I am also writing in your comment form
hehehe. thank you
you know, i try my level best to entertain everyone here, so that they post nice comments and i can pat on my back
Good you mentioned your password secret here. I’m sure your boss will not send you any more invites
There is small gift for you @ http://mymindtales.blogspot.com/2012/05/big-thank-you.html
thank you so much. i saw that award post on your blog. wait, lemme visit your blog and comment
omg..this was hilarious! and yes , i was shamelessly reading till the very end. ur password choosing skills need a mention and so does ur blissful ignorance
totallyyy loved it!
hahaha. thank you so much. the number of ids i have, i need to follow a pattern to choose passwords otherwise i ll get confused
. thanx again for this lovely comment 
everytime i read your post i get so much addicted to your writing…sorry for not keeping up with the previous posts on the comments part…
loved this post…esp the kutta123 password !
oh no worries. read whenever you have time and when you feel like reading some stupid posts
. even i haven’t visited many blogs for sometime now. thanx a lot for the comment 
Enjoyed your post while making an uphill task. Yes i am climbing a hill and i laughed so loud that people accompanying me laughed a lot.
hahaha. that sounds fun
. thank you so much for reading this post 
LOL! how social networkng irritated me the most – I wrote here http://afshan-shaik.blogspot.in/2011/02/work-vs-socialnetwork-face-vs-facebook.html . Mine is nt funny , urs is lol worthy
Till date I get surprised how ppl get so mch publicity to a blog, themselves , a profile on FB / blogs/ indivine
I fail in it
anyway loved ur blog. Keepp writing
hey, that’s such a wonderful comment, thank you so much
will definitely read your post. and i do get few visitors here
. so publicity to a blog and indivine, i have to target myself first 
. but yes, i am really angry with those whose fb profiles get publicity 
.
thanx again
“A red mark just below a small globe with an integer embedded (so called NOTIFICATIONS),sometimes 3 or 4 and if i opens my account after a week or so,it cud reach upto 7 or 8 too.Hoping for something exiting there inside the red marka world,the expectations merely end up with requests,XYZ has sent you a request in Birthday Calender,ABC has sent you request in Branchout.You call them requests but seriously speaking, they came too often that instead of request they became an Compulsion.A new kind of competition has arrived of getting more and more likes on photos u posted (Talking about gender,girls always wins).These social networking sites offers you nothing but yes finding some old friend here cud be a treat.(Although i wonder how old friends just end up liking each other’s photo and and 2-3 word comment like nyc,thnx,grt)”.
This is my saga of FB……:-D
Again a wonderful post and enough for giving me my laugh of the day……..Your writing is killing..:)
Waiting for few other hilarious posts……:)
you have brilliantly summed up the entire thing.
well, if people are having fun, who am i to complain? i can only write a post making fun of it
thank you so much for this lovely comment
Had a hearty laugh. The email id of boss was the icing on the cake.
We humans at times have ability of complicating our lives in trying to understand the technology behind the things we only intend to use. Finding out how elevator or microwave works is interesting but not everyone’s cup of tea!
thank you so much. absolutely, why complicate things? great to see you here after a long time
Ha ha! Will you please let us know how you remember all those passwords? I find it difficult
well, even i am finding it difficult these days to remember all those passwords. so mostly i click on that forgot password link.
thanks for reading
You need to use your in depth knowledge of all things internety and tell me why I have stopped receiving notifications from your blog. Does it have something to do with protocol? Or does your website not like my email address? Now, I have to add you to my friends list on Facebook and ensure that you have the wonderful opportunity to look at the 400,000 pictures I have in there and I also have to find a way to make sure you comment on them all.
Seriously, tell me how to fix the notification issue.
i don’t know what’s the problem with that feed
. a lot of people told me that they are not getting any notification. i will have to ask my friend to fix it. first of all i don’t get any visitor, on top of that if i have this problem then i ll be the only person reading my posts in future. yeah i guess, it’s that protocol thing 
.
thanx for the comment and i ll use some of your photographs as my profile picture
.
Humble person!
))
kutta123 ..ha ha..Rofl…But jokes apart,seriously ..well expressed .
hey, thank you so much
actually i just wanted a few comments, that’s it
I have something for you….Cheak this link…http://seewhatashishsays.blogspot.in/2012/05/my-first-award-happy.html
thank you so much
Deb, it took me a while scrolling down to comment space. This shows how versatile you are. Absolutely hillarious and many things can be easily related.
lol
Emulating superman must have been already considered
thank you so much Mak. I am always grateful to all those who spend some time to write a few things on the comment form.
because of my beard and long hair i anyway get a lot of attention when i am on the road, superman outfit will create a havoc.
I can relate a bit with your ordeal, mechanical admiration. Liked your effortless attempt to humbleness despite having such a fantastic blog
thank you so much. glad you liked it.
Had a good laugh
Though I am also hooked to the internet as thats what my work demands, just few days back I came to know that Microsoft and Windows XPS are two different stuff, I always thought them to be bhai behen
microsoft and windows xp are two different things? don’t tell me? thanx for the info, yeah.
thank you so much for reading this post
I was out of station so little late on commenting here…….keep em coming Deb….:D cheerz
thank you so much for the comment and you can visit my blog whenever you have time. cheers
Nice one debo
well, i am trying to improve with each post and now i put a lot of effort into my writing. moreover, i don’t have any headache now, right
thanks a lot for reading and hopefully you will visit again.
ha ha
good one…
btw HTTP = hyper text transfer protocol (… though I have no idea what that means!)
thank you so much. glad you liked it.
and thanx for the full form but i will forget it soon
Frankly, I can’t stand idea of Social Networking, which to me is Virtual Reality. I once got into Facebook just to find out how it works, and got out. Now it’s G+.
Internet is the most costly medium of communication – Energy-wise, Ecologically and Environmentally. (I checked at a few science mags such as New Scientist, Nature etc.) At every tap on a key board I hate it…
Social Networking establishes that civilized society today is degenerated.
absolutely, social networking is nothing but a dumb tool and very very annoying for people like us. i have tried it a few times and haven’t understood what is the hoopla about it. i have a twitter account where my new posts automatically get tweeted and i get zero visitors from there
. i have absolutely no clue why people are following me and why i am following people.
yeah, i heard about this ecological thing, would love to go through the facts and may be cut down my internet usage.
thanks a lot for the comment and i agree with you that civil society today is degenerated.
kutta?! Lol… Middle of the office day and u make me laugh at the memory of my boss!!!
hahaha. even you can have such passwords. they wouldn’t know shhhhhhhhhh
Lol…a very funny post. I am one of the souls like you. Computer allergic. Irony is that, I am working as a so-called s/w professional.
Was wanting to read this post from 10 days, with 15 interruptions, finally made it…yayyyy….hahaha
haha. even i do that. visit a blog 10 times and then one fine day i read one post
. for me it’s not because of interruption, it’s just that i am too lazy.
i am allergic to social media and i don’t understand why people keep adding me everywhere when they have no intention to communicate.
thank you so much for the comment.
simply marvelous ! humour to the core …. ur amazing bro !
hahaha, thank you so much!! and you found this old post to comment
. i don’t remember what i wrote.