“You have notifications pending!!!” An e-mail from an unidentified source reminded me of my dormant status on facebook; one of those rare occasions when my mail id was actually used for communication and not for registration purposes. After retrieving a long forgotten ID with the associated password, I logged into facebook and immediately greeted by the photograph of a dog shared on someone’s wall (image source – google). I know the drill; copied an existing comment and pasted it – “so cute!”
Read it somewhere that being active on facebook is a stress buster; I am sure it is, but with five people on the friendlist, it can be a challenging task. Out of those five people, four were my real life friends, who transformed into facebook friends with occasional comments on status messages or likes, and now they are just four names on the list who upload photographs for my perusal. And the fifth friend is the above mentioned individual who sent me a friend request few years back for some unknown reasons. Since then, I have witnessed extreme spectrums of emotion on that friend’s wall. When this congenitally distressed individual’s breakup news was posted on the wall, I was the one who commented “life goes on” followed by a click on the like button. Need to be careful with my comments because a user name with the profile picture of a tree doesn’t give any clear indication about his/her gender either.
Flashback – the learning process:
Inspired by the accomplishments of Bill Gates, I decided to grace a ‘learn computer in 15 days’ classroom several years ago. But my mission to unravel the mystery called ‘computer’ hit an early roadblock as certain bizarre terminologies called www, http, and internet were discussed in the class (my profile picture should give you a rough idea of my IQ level; so, no prizes for guessing that I didn’t understand a thing.). However, my perpetually trouble seeking inner voice whispered “build an early image; be proactive.” A hand raised from the last row with a pen held between thumb and index finger, head tilted slightly towards the right side, legs crossed as the following question was fired at the instructor:
“So, where do you see www ten years from now with Undertaker coming back into the main event?”
A ten seconds pin drop silence was observed to pay homage to my groundbreaking query and then the instructor looked away (I guess, he didn’t have an answer). I tried to simplify it for him with a follow up question but my voice was buried under incessant questions from left, right and …..right. Those questions were slightly different from the one which I articulated with no mention of Undertaker or world wrestling …ummm… whatever.
Surprisingly, while sitting in my friend’s cyber café one day, I realized that I was able to use internet without knowing the definition of the same. Therefore, with his comprehensive support, I created a couple of mail ids and one yahoo chat id, and without wasting any time, logged into yahoo messenger. I was touched by the courtesy of the first individual I was in conversation with and at the same time was awed by his/her typing speed. All my queries were answered at the speed of light. However, after fifteen minutes, the conversation became a little repetitive and that’s when my friend intervened and informed me that yahoo helper is not exactly a human being.
They say “ignorance is bliss.” So, here I am, twenty years later not only using internet but writing a post on that as well, while the definition still eludes me.
FYI, I don’t even know the full form of HTTP, only know that there is a protocol somewhere in between. If you ask me the meaning of protocol, I will humbly request you to check some online dictionary. But that never deters me from demonstrating the knowledge that I have garnered over the years and my conversation with BSNL customer care can only be described as technical in nature, which includes and not limited to statements like – “there in no connection, can you send someone to check that protocol?”
From gaming portal to online shopping, I have created an id everywhere and meticulously chosen unique passwords that I can remember. I randomly pick names as passwords and add alphanumeric extensions to them. When my boss sent me an invite for an online shopping portal, I used his name as my password with a suffix ‘kutta123.’
People I do not know, people I will never know added me everywhere and subsequently subjected me to various forms of torture. From a passive spectator to their nuptial ceremony photographs to an ardent admirer of their prized possessions, I have played diverse roles in their virtual lives. And that prompted me to look for another feature called unfriend or delete contact. I am not saying that I don’t show off. My new purchases are brazenly flaunted to ensure that those are noticeable to the entire world, even though the worth of those acquisitions would be significantly low. Emulating Superman’s pioneering sartorial arrangement for innerwear display is also under consideration. But for me the fun quotient goes up considerably in a real life scenario.
There must be a few million posts on social networking floating around the web, and I don’t want to join the bandwagon and write off the significance of online friends, but when unfriend option is just a click away it cannot be rated too highly either. And the reason why I decided to write on a clichéd subject is because I couldn’t come up with anything else. If you are still reading this then kudos to you, now please write something on the comment form.