Internet, social networking, and me – part 2

image source - http://www.docstoc.com/

image source – http://www.docstoc.com/

After years of struggle, a select group of identical bipeds eventually earned the title ‘Social Animal.’ And their endeavor automatically qualified every Tom, Dick, and Harry to use the same title. This, understandably, infuriated a section of the populace while others were already bored of this clichéd and nondescript identity and decided to assume a more progressive one called ‘Social Networking Animal.’

Nations geared up to rise above all fear and apprehension; it was time for deliverance. It was time for one more page to be written in the history of human evolution…and primates invaded virtual world.

Meanwhile, my existence as a legitimate human being was in danger of getting wiped out of all the records, now available on social networking sites. I was labeled as a disparager. However, it was my ignorance that led to this miserable situation and not my aversion to change. During early days of facebook, I misapprehended it as just another matrimonial site; ergo, when personages from all walks of life ran around screaming, “I have registered myself on facebook,” I deemed this phenomenon an epic display of prenuptial frenzy and couldn’t fathom the true significance of this path-breaking invention.

After being subjected to an enormous amount of criticism, banter, and contempt; I finally locked myself behind closed doors, allowed a blue and white page to load on my system, and keyed in all the personal detail hitherto only known to my parents. However, by the time I created an account and contributed to the progress of human race, the world had moved on to the next level.

I was awakened to a world; the one that I was oblivious of. If it were not for facebook, I wouldn’t have realized that human had already embarked on a spiritual journey to attain eternal salvation. They buried all their pain and agony in the deepest, darkest corners of civilization and smiled for the sake of humankind. They smiled to dispel the darkness that was engulfing our universe and presented a vibrant, colorful, and blissful world.

God helps those who help themselves. There was no dearth of events in their lives to support this altruistic cause. And courteous that they were, they not only informed the entire world about the events taking place in their lives but also shared photographs of the same despite their busy schedules.

Tons and tons of photographs were shared on various walls about innumerable events taking place on the face of the earth. A whole new side of humanity unfolded in front of me.

Ashamed, aghast, I stepped out of my house; it was time for redemption. It was time to cross that bridge now that I had come to it…and I did.

There was mist in the air; and there was hope, there was optimism.

While the twilight dawned over my town, I walked out of Manjunath Studio with a winning smile and couple of passport size photographs in a contraption called pen drive. I crossed the bridge again and came back home, and subsequently shared those photographs on my facebook wall with a note, “hey, check out my pix!”

My dog shuddered in anticipation. There was lightning in the sky, and then the heavens opened to welcome a new star. Few drops of rain splattered across my face through the window. I spread my arms and screamed, “Yes!” But as strange as it may sound, those brilliant portraits of half length size somehow failed to create a widespread sensation on facebook. As raindrops trickled down my nose, I looked at my facebook wall in utter disbelief. I mopped my face and I hurriedly closed the window (my room’s window, you single-minded computer geeks!).

Unperturbed by my pictorial fiasco, I started updating status messages disregarding the apathy of my unspecified addressees. Research shows that an individual delivering monologues in public places can be classified under the category of lunatics, and albeit such behavior attracts a sizable audience but not many would initiate a public debate with that aforementioned individual. This phenomenon remained unchanged in virtual world as well and my quest to be part of a victorious genus met a premature end.

However, due to lack of activities in real world, I continued to fiddle with various options available on internet. I came across something called blog, conceptualized for the aid of HPD (histrionic personality disorder) afflicted individuals and can be used as a substitute for social networking sites. All was not lost yet, I latched onto this opportunity. I wanted to know the faces behind those user ids (even though it’s a known fact that barring Raone, no one, in recent years, has shown consistent behavioral patterns in both real and virtual world). I started writing cock and bull stories, and voila, they came! They came, they read, and they said, “Awesome!” With moist eyes and quivering voice, I whispered, “Thank you!”

I was quite enjoying this exercise. After years of injustice, my virtual identity was finally accepted… but God didn’t like my advancement. As per standard procedure, I was required to create a twitter account; which yielded no traffic but I had one more user id and password to remember. I again noticed a flurry of activities around me. Tons and tons of information was shared, while some made witty remarks. My education (or lack of it) failed me again. My credibility as a knowledgeable person was lost long ago following an enthusiastic participation in a quiz competition. However, making witty remarks was an option still available for me. An extensive search on google yielded few clever quotes. While doing a ctrl+c, my gaze fell on the next quote by some detractor called Mark Twain, which read, ‘it’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and clear all doubts,’ I complied.

My sincere apologies to my handful of twitter followers (who were doing timepass on my blog and accidentally clicked on the follow button) for letting you down. But today, in this historic moment, I swear upon your anti-corruption crusading blog that I will continue my search on google. I know and I believe that one day, I will find some tweetable quotes… one day, I will come out a winner.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

By the way, I didn’t feel like searching for the first part (which is there somewhere in the archive) and I am sure, you are not dying to read that either.

About Debajyoti Ghosh

You can follow +Debajyoti on Google Plus and on Twitter @devjyotighosh.

Comments

  1. Very nicely written. Enjoyed reading it.

    On a serious note, though, there is no doubt we are social animals – whether in real or virtual life. Being connected does give us a high. As for all these virtual platforms, I have always believed they should help without taking over our lives. That is why I enjoy the fun you poke at all our guiles – write once a week, learn SEO, etc., etc.

  2. As acidic as ever! :D

    You do not disappoint!

  3. This was the single best thing I’ve read in narrative in a long long time … and rich with reality- wit … ” ashamed and aghast I stept out of the house…’ oh this will keep me grinning for weeks… fabulous !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somewhere in this is me, one recognises themself and returns for more. Deep happy sigh. Thank you for a fantastic share

    • hey, InnerDialect, your comments always put a smile on my face. i remember the first time you commented on my blog, you mentioned that you have a low attention span and cannot read long posts :D. you have come a long way :D :D :D. thank you so much for this lovely comment :)

  4. HAHA Deb thats a capital haha for you. Welcome to the world of social madness. Well your knowledge(or the lack of it shows) as there are still tons of networking sites you have to work on(me too!) but by the holy Windows! I swear that one fine day we too shall make a cut and be awarded the best Netizen award (Internet Oscars) by the powers that be. Amen!

    PS why do keep the torturing me with the DP, please change it into some amimorpic identity
    PPS I am also very lazy to find the first part

    • hahaha, thanks a lot, Vijay! well, i would rather stay away from these sites and try to update my blog regularly (which i am not able to do these days).

      wanted to use my actual photograph but that would scare away all my visitors.

      no need to search for that part 1. it’s a poorly written post (just like this one).

  5. Where is Part 1? :)

  6. Your room window (- not being a single-minded computer geek), of course, Debs :) Why do you keep us waiting for so long. I mean sabr ka phal meeta hota hai and all that is fine but yeh thoda zyada sabr kara diya, nahin? :)

    • hahaha, i have been trying hard for the past few weeks to write something and managed to clutter my D-drive with few poorly written, incomplete posts. today i said enough is enough and published one :D

  7. Oh Deb I just loved your witty way you narrated the post..Everyone is more or less Social Dog I mean in Cyberspace,The More you become Social the more famous you get,the general rule of thumb these days..but it is never proportional to your creativity or talent…

  8. Great that you took on Facebook ! Hilarious as usual. If you had been a usual suspect (Are you ?) at FB, there will be many more funny things you will find. I hope you get into FB, just to check that out. Would love to see you spew humor at it !

    • i created multiple accounts on facebook, got bored and then deactivated them. but now that i am running out of topics for my posts, i think, i need to create one again.

      thanks a lot for reading and i am going to copy your paintings and publish them here.

  9. Bravo… well said fellow networking primate!
    this description from ritualistic initiation and then to the strict life of the devout virtual ape is extremely commendable…
    Brother, I see not why you worry so much… Come be lost in the virtual world and see thy moksha!

    • hahaha, thanks a lot! i am trying to attain moksha here in blogsphere. but guess, i need to revisit those social networking sites.

      thank you so much for this awesome comment :)

  10. LOlz…brilliantly thought! Gone all wrong!

  11. Still laughing over your post. I was also somewhere there, once…

  12. Wanna be a winner on Twitter! Lol! :)

  13. “They buried all their pain and agony in the deepest, darkest corners of civilization and smiled for the sake of humankind” Loved this line :D Facebook can be so fake at times! (most of the times)
    Nice to see a write up from you Deb and yes, I enjoyed every single line (Yeah, yeah, I know your eyes are getting all moist) :D

    • hahaha, even blogging is fake. actually, everything is fake :D.

      thanks a lot for reading, Jayashree! it’s very difficult to make people read an entire post :D

  14. I can’t stop grinning from ear to ear! Loved your take on FB and Blogging( and this isn’t fake!). Waiting to read more :)

  15. I so loved your sarcasm and satire! Perfect enjoyment!! If only keeping up on social media networks would contibute towards my exercise program, it would be a fitter and slimmer me!!!

  16. Oh my this was hilarious though with a sense of truth..

  17. I am a lost soul like you. I have a twitter account but I hardly use it. It gives me a terrible headache.

  18. Hilarious. Loved it!!

  19. Manjunath studio? :) Some social scientist should do a survey on amount of money spent on clicking photographs for facebook portfolios. May be facebook should do that to claim it is helping in economy building and hence is a societal good. Study title: Multiplier effect of facebook on India’s economy. :)

  20. Enjoyed reading it, really.
    As they said in song Long, Long time ago by Pan’s Labyrinth.

  21. Finally back with a post, eh? And a text post this time. Social media is indeed challenging.

  22. Nice one ..
    After long time I was great to see all this back.

  23. Nice one ..
    After long time It was great to see all this back.

  24. I knew there were some facts and some nonsense buried under the pile of my unread mails…and I found it!! DJ, do us a favor – write a book. I am telling you, it would be a best seller. Do you know why? Because people love to laugh. Just awesome. And stop shortchanging yourself. You are brilliant. Love this piece :D

    • thank you so much for these wonderful words, Minnie! not sure whether i deserve them or not but your comment has put a smile on my face. thank you once again for reading this :)

  25. Well, actually whenever someone shares something sensible I make this presumption that it is copied. Though I did not search for the opening lines on your blog, I did search Google for possible ad-verbatim usage. The top 4 links link back to your domain, so I guess you write sensible stuff.

    Regarding the rest of the post, I don’t know if self abasement works too well if we are funny, but I’ve seen many people getting famous by that same virtue. So, carry on the demeaning, and someday you might actually feature on the most wanted lists, err, of comedy.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    • i do the same and report plagiarism whenever i find a copied post (i have already got 6-7 blogs deleted from indiblogger). top links directing to my domain doesn’t mean that my post is original. at times, you find the original post on 3rd or 4th page. however, before publishing a post, i check each and every line on google to make sure that no one has written similar lines before.

      self-deprecating humor is the safest form of humor. i want people to like me. many thanks for reading!

  26. Nice post. well written

  27. nicely written

  28. Quite entertaining :) I have same fate when it comes to Twitter. I’m there but I don’t know what the heck I am supposed to do there :(

  29. Hey you! My Liebster Blog Award Nominee! :D I am glad to tell you that , I have nominated you for a Liebster Blog Award on my blog.:) Please check out the following link & go through the rules & guidelines for accepting the award.:) http://silentdrizzle-parvathy.blogspot.in/2013/11/my-first-award.html

  30. Great Read!

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