Shall I, shall I not. My mind was racing as I stood in front of a popular garment store contemplating a venture which my budget did not support. Devil and angel inside me placed their arguments as I thought about all the possibilities this could lead to, and all I could see was a postman standing outside my house with a legal notice from my bank. You must be wondering what is the big fuss about buying few clothes? Well, for that you need to scroll down to the next paragraph. Yes, I am just trying to keep these paragraphs short to create an illusion that the post itself is not too long, but soon reality will dawn on you as I have again exceeded my word count target, having said that I don’t see you making it to the end, nope.
Image source - http://smallbizblast.typepad.com
A stroll in a city for me has always been fraught with predicaments as an invisible force pushes me towards the road which has an array of garment shops, and from there my shopaholic instincts take control of the situation. Someone said “when you desire something, the entire world conspires to help you.” Don’t know what the entire world is conspiring for me but it definitely gives the word “help” a whole new dimension. As I stood outside the shop for 15 minutes just like that mannequin kept next to me, I could empathize with all the recovering gamblers watching India – Pakistan match. Finally, I sought divine intervention and it came immediately. It came in the form of a billboard which read “just do it;” I complied. I ran past the shop which the divine providence was promoting and barged into the next one almost breaking the door. I dived in and grabbed as many clothes as my two hands could hold and then looked over my shoulders at those 5 sales guys staring at me.
With an air of authority I pronounced “I will try these.”
“Men’s section is upstairs sir.” All 5 of them replied in chorus.
My expression resembled an individual who just swallowed a bubble gum. I am not 100% sure but I guess I heard a faint snigger as I walked towards the men’s section. This time I picked up men’s garment i.e. dreary, out of shape clothes and moved to the billing section.
That cashier swiped my card and said “I think it doesn’t have enough balance, it says – do not honor.”
I retorted “Insufficient balance, on my card, hahahaha.”
That was supposed to be a sneering laughter but a quivering voice could only produce a bizarre sound (something which the ardent followers of Mickey and Donald show should be familiar with).
“Can you give me another card?” he exemplified perseverance.
I felt slightly disoriented because all my other cards were blocked for obvious reasons; a sudden and uncontrollable urge to drink water seized my thoughts. I could have terminated the process with the help of my middle finger, instead I added my index finger as well and said “give me two minutes.”
When 70% of your income goes into credit card repayments, you wouldn’t forget the payments you made, nor did I. I found myself standing next to that mannequin again calling up my bank to find out the status of the transfer I made, and ‘I-know-it-all’ kind of a guy from the other end informed me that the transaction was delayed due to some system maintenance, a universal excuse employed by all organizations to cover up varying degree of incompetence. He concluded by saying that he had rectified it and the money should reflect in my account in 2 minutes, he sounded more like RBI governor and of course there was no apology for the delay. I dawdled outside for 5 minutes giving them an additional 3 minutes buffer time. I went back, gave them the same card again and asked “do you really know how to swipe a card?”
Oozing with confidence in my new attire, I met some of my friends later in the night; it was a Chinese restaurant. As no one noticed my new clothes, the onus was on me to initiate the discussion. Hence I rose up and with an SRK signature move combined with a winning smile posed the question “so how do I look?”
They looked at each other, thought for a considerable period of time and then said “you know, looks are not important at all.” and continued with that vague answer covering various facets of inner beauty, trivializing the physical appearance; jealous. We moved on to the more important job in hand – food.
As usual, items were ordered with the help of index finger pointing at the menu card, as an attempt to pronounce those names would have further jeopardized Indo-China ties. After eating everything which was there in the kitchen including what was kept separately for the stray dogs my friends decided to go outside for some fresh air, which could have been a challenging task considering there was a garbage dump just opposite that restaurant. I asked them to buy a pack of cigarette for me before the shops were closed and stayed back to take care of the bill (which I usually recover within couple of hours). As the bill came and I handed over my card I went down the memory lane to the time when I swiped my card at the garment shop. I flinched in horror as there was hardly anything left in my card after that transaction. I tried calling my friends but they didn’t answer my call. I sought divine intervention again, but this time even he decided not to pay attention; “obviously why would you? You don’t have anything to promote now.” I muttered. I could see my future, I could see those polite and friendly waiters transforming into Bruce Lee. Few beads of perspiration formed on my forehead, I looked for a board which reads “customer is god” as a reference for future discourse, but in vain.
Desperate times, desperate measures; I looked for an emergency exit but as we were the last customers the restaurant was empty and I was surrounded by those smiling assassins throwing unwarranted questions “how was the food sir?” Food? Oh yes, we did have food. “I like this” I sputtered “respect for customer is the key. Customer is god.” They couldn’t fathom the anguish in my voice; they just smiled. I closed my eyes as one of those waiters came back. He handed me the receipt and said “please sign this sir.” I looked at the receipt in disbelief but quickly regained my composure. The grumbling attitude was back again as I asked him “do you guys sign with your fingers?”
Due to severe mental trauma I completely forgot that I asked for a higher credit limit, which the bank processed immediately after they received the payment. It was one of those numerous occasions when my banks saved me in the nick of time by increasing the credit limit stating ‘good transaction record’ which is a technical term used for ‘irresponsible spending.’
About Debajyoti
lol! that was hilarious albeit at your ‘expense’!
that’s the only way how i can make everyone laugh
. thank u so much for the comment. was wondering whether i ll get any comment or not 
HAHAHA ” looks are not important at all”..but obviously money is ! Now why don’t you model in those new clothes for a change ?
those clothes have become old now. need to buy some new clothes but ll do that only when i go to a big city. wudn’t shop here
thanx indu for reading
There is the a face of mine that quiet identifies with you. Patrons like us make the Citi’s and HSBC’s of this world! The decision making and the dilemma of credit approval are tingling with fun yet sound so real. Great job!
oh let’s not talk about those two banks, feel like going back to those days when there was barter system. thanx a lot Uma
Deb, the credit card trap is the worst trap one can get into. dropping a link that might help you and your readers
http://subhorup.blogspot.com/2011/09/how-to-save-money.html
that’s the worst thing on earth anyone can opt for
thanx for reading. ll go through the link.
We resemble in one aspect that is shopoholic. I always yearn to buy clothes, clothes & more clothes.
Good read.
oh yes, clothes r the best thing. thanks a lot for reading
Oh.. Please stop being so humorous. I am tired of laughing out aloud at 11.30 p.m. , that is when I get a chance to read your blog. Or I should check it in the mornings.:-)
And lots of people made it to the end , it seems.
Wonderful post.
u can read my posts whenever u feel like. even if u read them after one month i ll be happy
yeah few ppl have made it to the end but my target is 100 comments
. now that my stats r gone due to this new blog i have this new target.
thank u so much for this wonderful comment
you know funny this is a coincidence I went to buy some things and for real my credit card was bounced back .. I had ot call a friend to come and pay for my bill … later i learnt that the so called gold card american express was not acceptable in that STORY ..
I mean WTH.. how can that happen …
Loved this post and thank for giving us such laughs
well fortunately in my home town no cards are allowed
, it’s all cash hahahaha. but yeah some of those shops just screw up big time.
thanx for reading Bikram
I’m wondering what ‘shapely clothes’ you picked up the first time. Haha!
I was worried for you when I got to the Chinese restaurant part. I kept saying ‘not again’ in my head
Hey Deb, I made to the end too.
hahahaha. i always like clothes in girl’s section – colorful, vibrant.
yup u made it to the end too
and thank u for that.
now u quickly write one more of those travel kinda posts
That was very funny indeed,but not for you I imagine
definitely not. for me it was a horror show
thanx a lot Zach.
lol, hilarious post
.. with friends like these, who needs enemies 
… I’ve never used a credit card as i’m still a student but I’ve heard they tend to become addictive and provides a severe snitch in one’s bank account!! A few years back, I caught my dad, cutting down his credit card in two halves with disgust plastered across his face!! 
hahaha yes cutting it in two halves is the best way to use a credit card.
once u start using credit card u ll have the tendency to swipe it for everything. but there r ppl who use it responsibly. it’s not for ppl like me
thank u so much for reading
absolutely loved the post and your writing style….
thanx a lot
and i loved all ur posts i have read so far, will go through the rest 
The only difference between you and me is that you buy clothes on diminishing funds and are able to wear them, while I constantly buy clothes, (also risking rejected credit cards and public embarrassment) a couple of sizes smaller in the hopes that one day I will be able to fit into them.
Loved the post as usual
thank u so much. glad u liked it.
i can alter my size according to the clothes i have, although the end result is the same, no one cares
How did I miss reading this post?? I could see a reflection of me in every nook and corner of this post:) ; 70% of income gone in CC bills, yes I am there! Card limit exhausted only to be disclosed in front of a billing guy, yes I am there!But unlike you, I wasn’t so lucky with the banks in terms of increasing the credit balance at the right time, but I was lucky to have not exhausted all the card balances at a time
hahaha. not only u, a lot of my blogger friends missed this post. i m preparing a list to send them a reminder via e-mail
well, i can probably write a book on my love-hate relation with the banks. thankfully right now i don’t need to use any of these cards coz in my town these r as good as pieces of plastic. here it’s only cash, thank god
and thanx for reading
I have a friend who used stuff his wallet with notes and walk around and refused to carry any credit cards, till he was very sure of his spending habits and he knew he could control his urge to do impulsive shopping. Now he does carry a couple of them. May be you should cut them all off and throw them off.
hahahahaha. it’s not a problem for me now coz in my hometown no cards are allowed. but yes in case i visit a city, that’s what i m going to do. cut them and throw them off
thank u so much for reading.
awesome post once again Deb…ROFL!!!
i never used / had a credit cards but when it comes to buy something online i would always look for friends with credit cards and if they don’t have it, will curse them for being silly to not to have one
hahaha. plz stay away from credit cards unless u r using someone else’s card
.
thanx a lot Rahul
Very wonderful real life story which i kept on reading agai and again. Please keep going. Best wishes
that’s a huge compliment. thank u so much for this lovely comment.
haha….so good of a read…
thank u so much
Ha ha ha.. Its a real fun to read it..
thank u so much. glad u liked it. cheers
Your new self hosted blog looks like your new lucky charm!! was wondering this monday, why did i not recieve your post.. anyways!! hilarious as usual!
an adventure that so called shopping spree was…
Good luck!!
I see you are on twitter and google plus now! god save them
lucky charm? i seriously doubt that
. i m going to write some more on my shopping spree
and twitter and google plus? i have absolutely no clue what these are. my friend who set up this blog has done that
. may be its a cool thing 
No comments.. Only LOLz and LOLz and LOLz
thank u
Another fine post!
It seemed a little dry, somewhat flaccid in the middle…but your superb narrative, your effortless style of writing carried it through.
thank u again!! we don’t see too many genuine readers here.
thank u so much and please continue to give ur honest feedback so that i can improve my writing.
i m actually going through ur post right now
btw, did my reply make any sense
? haven’t slept properly for last one week so dunno what i m typing.
when i read ur posts i am reminded of these immortal lines sung by great Mukesh from Mera naam joker…….”Apne par has kar jag ko hasaya”……..:-D….loved the post
hahahaha, thanx Dheeraj. that’s the only way how u can make ppl laugh without offending anyone
. and plz don’t read my old posts now coz i m writing a new one which i m going to submit tomorrow and u have to read that 
That was wonderful, had a good laugh!!!it had traces of confessions of a shopaholic
oh that was an amazing movie. however, the only thing i borrowed from that movie is the word shopaholic coz i personally detest the idea of getting inspired by someone else’s work.
thank u so much for the comment and i am glad that u liked it.