Beyond treacherous glasses – part 3

Image source - http://www.toonpool.com

Image source – http://www.toonpool.com

There is enough testimony to the fact that certain individuals reminisce about the blissful moments they shared with their old flames (in some cases – just hypothetical situations) when high level of intoxicants in their beverages elevate them beyond morbid realities.  Simultaneously, they develop a fondness for music of yore, a lethal combination that can trigger suicidal tendencies amongst affected parties.

I am sure, some of you have experienced a situation where you friend, after his 10th drink, developed a sudden and uncontrollable urge for old romantic songs and despite the original sound track available in the house, he reckoned you the best exponent of this genre.  While he implored you to sing, “Kabhi Kabhi mere dil mein” for him and leaned back closing his eyes to feel the melody, you assessed your audience:

Five dormant bodies in a state of nirvana (a euphemistic term for alcohol-induced slumber) exhibiting diverse anatomy-defying postures, a piece of chicken kebab (the lone survivor of a brutal gormandizing assault), and your congenitally grief-stricken friend.

And when you refused to carry out this distasteful exercise of singing a romantic song for a close-eyed biped of identical gender, he unveiled his merciless side.  Without relying on anyone, he meticulously executed a vocal carnage (fused with the lyrics mentioned above) with no apparent provocation till wee hours (amidst intermittent complaints from neighbors and dogs [in their respective lexicons]).  And how you wished his 11th drink was sprinkled with unadulterated potassium cyanide when he open his moist eyes and continued this relentless savaged squeal looking at you, “Suhag raat hai ghoonghat utha raha hoon mein.”

The genius who came up with the idea of a caller tune was probably a victim of such barbaric acts and decided to seek revenge against the entire world with this spiteful initiative.  Or may be he was (he could still be alive if and only if he avoided any rendezvous with the callers) just a nice person who deemed that a musical foundation would encourage us to indulge in telephonic jugalbandis in between our conventional verbal exchanges and hence, tried to infuse some life in our mundane and dreary conversations irrespective of whether the situation demands it or not.  This could also be a brainchild of some undefined musicians, viz. Anu Malik, Bappi Lahiri, Kumar Sanu et al, who are forbidden to use their mouths for anything other than fulfillment of gastronomic requirements in civilized societies, whose eyes now light up at the sight of any living object with auditory senses and pepper them with recurrent, impromptu performances.  Yours truly, however, is an ardent enthusiast of such bizarre and incomprehensible acts.

Owing to my experimentation nature, I soon subscribed to a plethora of value added services and became a valued customer of multiple service providers.  The quantum of hidden values accumulated during this process is yet to be ascertained.

My caller tune symbolized my penchant for catchy Bollywood tunes, surprisingly, this resulted in a drastic drop in incoming calls; yet, I persisted.  Caller tune, as the name suggests, is a feature specifically designed for the ones who dial that number, the subscriber doesn’t have the privilege to listen to the caller tune unless that person borrows someone else’s phone and dials his/her own number (an action contradicting the ideal application of this technology.  Moreover, many would politely decline your request as no one on God’s green earth would want you to know that the outgoing call facility on his/her number has been barred.).  But people didn’t understand this noble intention barring my debt collectors who, by then, were the only people who showed some respect for those caller tunes.  Being a good Samaritan, I did not hinder the process and allowed them to enjoy the entire tune by not answering the calls.  With time I changed my caller tune to a more sophisticated one, demonstrating my inclination towards western music – a Christmas carol awaited all the callers.  Like its predecessors, even this Christmas carol did not get an opportunity to greet the callers…another noble act went unappreciated.

Crestfallen, I donated one of the two prehistoric mobile phones (on the verge of bidding goodbye to this vain transitory world) that I owned to the bakery shop owner (a humble attempt to make inroads into his esteemed credit book with the help of an obsolete device)… but this charitable gesture was soon regretted.

 ……………………………..to be continued

About Debajyoti Ghosh

You can follow +Debajyoti on Google Plus and on Twitter @devjyotighosh.

Comments

  1. I hate caller tunes! Why not the good old trrrring trrrring?
    Why do I have to listen to ‘Faaavicol’ when I call someone?
    And hearing a Christmas Carol in April is plain weird. :P

  2. nice

  3. Caller tunes irritate me.. especially the devotional ones in languages unknown to many. Or just me.

    Really nice post.. :-)

  4. imagine a bengali staying in tamil nadu sets his caller tune wid a bengali song like “paglu” or sumthng and his boss who is a tamilian is calling him for an urgent meeting :D :P ….
    anyways your post is as hilarious as always nd looking forward to d nxt part :)

  5. A bombastic post! :D

  6. Hi Debajyoti,

    Ahh, you reminded me of those awful parties we used to have during our college days. Everybody used to be all sober in the beginning but then as the night wore on, shirts started coming off, glasses were broken, the hall wash-basin full with human expulsions, the noise levels high and basically some people doing funny & weird stuff. The logic of this whole situation beats me till today and I can’t figure out why people drink so much.

    About the caller tunes, I haven’t tried that one yet but I have been treated to some totally wicked, sometimes melodious tunes too. However, I feel, the fad has worn out. What do you think?

    P.S. We would love to see a glimpse of the donated cellphone :p :p :p

    Regards

    Jay
    My Blog | My Entry to Indiblogger Get Published

    • no, those were fun parties. with tears, laughters, and bundles of emotion in the air. and i continued to have such parties long after my college days.

      yes, the fad has worn out and people went back to the regular caller tune.

      oh, don’t know where that poor thing is now. i wouldn’t mind having a glimpse of that myself :D

      many thanks for the comment :)

  7. Interesting. So back to text after the spate of comics? One good thing about caller tunes is that you are sure you have dialled the right person for the people you usually call. But problem is others who call them regularly also know who you are calling.

    • yes, i have been trying to write something for quite sometime but wasn’t able to do that.

      hahaha, it has its own merits and demerits :D

      thanks a lot for reading :)

  8. An absolute delight, Deb, as always :)
    Look forward to some more in the next part :)

  9. so finally a long post, trademark Deb style! I have seen people in their drunkard stupor doing weird things like speaking only in English (which they never dare do in their sober self), blurting out the names of their ex’s, not even finding a chance to regret in later (understandably) but singing is the commonest one for sure.

    I have never had any ringtone till date, but do not even have anything against them.

    Very hilarious post.

    • thanks a lot Meenakshi! long posts are the ones i actually enjoy writing. yes, we become completely different after few drinks :D.

      i had many caller tunes and ring tones but not any more. i am more like a retired soldier now :D

  10. another Debastic post !!! LOL ! i keep calling my nephew when ever I am free as I love his caller tunes … but yeah its irritating when i am trying to reach someone desperately and all i get is some song !

  11. This one is so close to my own feelings. I always felt why to entertain others by subscribing to a caller tune at your cost. Also many would find my choice stupid as per their taste. Lovely post. loved it at every core.

  12. Now that is amazing lexicon, Deb! Or maybe you have dried out and detoxed your fans of your startling talent by subjecting them to your exquisite cartoons.

    Your insight on probable causative factors of the genesis of caller tunes is both enlightening and hilarious (forgive the lexicon, it is hard-wired by now and fairly normal in jerks like me). I can hardly wait to peek more under those treacherous glasses!

    • i am just trying hard because i am not able to write anything and that’s why posting those cartoons just to keep my blog alive :D. surprisingly, these long posts don’t get too many visitors whereas every single person on earth keeps commenting on those stupid cartoons.

      by the way, i am dying to see a humor post on your blog. you need to write one, soon :D!!

  13. Ohh, God bless the insensitive morons who set their favorite songs as caller tunes. I have failed numerous times in explaining to my friends and colleagues that no one really cares about you spending 30 bucks a month and letting them have a hang of your musical tastes.
    Worst is, when people set these on their business phones. Imagine, people calling you from a phone -put on speaker, from a conference room to request you to join the meeting quickly and all they get to hear is ” Chipkale saiyaan faavicol se” …ARGGHHHH

    • hahaha, that’s actually quite funny and i guess, people are slowing understanding that because i don’t get to hear too many caller tunes these days.

      save those 30 bucks for a kingfisher pint :D

      many thanks for the comment Arnab :)

  14. hahahahaha!! What a hilarious post! You excel yourself!!

  15. Cant wait for the next.

  16. Baa haa haa!

    I’ve been to many a drunken party myself, where my husband has sung himself sore, regaling the already half-dead populace with Kishore Kumar hits (this was in our pre-marriage days, when he still felt the need to impress me with his vocal prowess). I absolutely love your wit and humour :)

    I have never understood the purpose of caller-tunes myself. I mean, why would I pay a monthly fee out of my own pocket so that random people (in most cases, telemarketing callers) can listen to my favourite song (which has very little probability of being their favourite song as well).

    Superbly written. Waiting for the next part with bated (and non-alcoholic) breath :)

    • hahaha, and at times people sing different songs at the same time :D

      i know, even though i subscribed to caller tunes for quite sometime and used to change them every alternate day but there is no logic behind it :D. no one enjoys these caller tunes :D

      many thanks for this lovely comment :)

  17. Hhaha.. I sing too! After a couple of cocktails .. uncontrollable laughter and just about any song!
    Who cares about the audience :)
    And caller tune is just a show-off thing.. you know.. how cool is my taste in music :P.. and in some cases.. All-is-well-be-optimistic gyaan!

    • psst, even i sing a lot, and laugh as well after few drinks :D

      yes, even i don’t have a caller tune anymore. say no to caller tunes :D

      thank you so much for reading :)

  18. Hi Deb, I’ve nominated your blog for the Liebster Blog Award! Congrats! Please find the details on my blog http://guspazha-chinar.blogspot.in/2013/02/voila-my-liebster-blog-award.html

  19. Hi Deb,
    It looks like your treacherous glasses are powered by some genie. They are able to unzip all our frailties and foibles.
    Such natural flow in the narrative ! I admire your ability to bunch many ideas in a single para so skillfully. Excellent write up.

    • wow, thank you so much for this wonderful comment!! your comments always put a smile on my face :)

      i am not a good writer, so, i have to put a lot of effort to come up with a decent post and when i get a comment like this, i feel my hard work hasn’t gone to waste

  20. Haha you’re equally amazing with words like the comics, man!

    • hahaha, thanks a lot!! that’s what i usually write. and when i am not able to write anything, i simply do those cartoons posts and not let any of my regular visitors run away :D

  21. This reminds me of an incident where I had got hold of my cousin’s mobile to listen to my caller tune :D and what you have mentioned about “some undefined musicians” is absolutely true. Hilarious post as always :)

  22. Aha!! To my surprise a different post after the toon series…but this too is a hilarious one.. Caller tune “Nashaa”-either ways you are disappointed, If the person picks up the call you miss out the song and if you have all the pleasure listening to the song you get irritated because your call has been missed…so better to have a “Tring Tring ” …I took a voluntary retirement before getting appointed ..he he..:)

    • that’s what i usually post. those cartoons were just some timepass stuffs :D. thank you so much for this lovely comment and totally agree with you. it’s better to have a regular ‘tring tring.’

      i guess, i haven’t visited your blog for quite sometime. not sure, how many posts i have missed. will go through them ASAP!!

  23. well you had me in splits, and the depiction of alco-holed jantaa can only come from experience…*evil grin*
    where do i even begin about the caller tune…i was an ardent fan of them a few years back, i had ‘dhadke jiya” from aloo-chat and then atif’s kaun tha…and people loved them but then i got bored of the bollywood’s so called item numbers on other people’s phone so much so that i shunned caller tunes on my own phone..:(

    • hahaha, but people become cool after few drinks :D and i find them tolerable :D. i had so many caller tunes and people liked them. i used to give people missed calls and never answered the calls once they called back just to make them listen to my new caller tunes :D. but now even i don’t have any caller tune.

      thank you so much for reading :)

  24. DJ – I know you’ve been feeling a bit low about your blog not getting all the attention it deserves, so here you go.

    Congratulations! You’ve been nominated for a Liebster Award by me (yes, someone finally gave me one!)

    Details here – http://fisheyes-meanie.blogspot.in/2013/02/my-first-liebster-award.html

    Cheers!

    • :D now i am happy :D. actually, i have quickly gone through your post to see whether you have put my link correctly or not :D. thank you so much!! acceptance speech will be delivered on your blog.

  25. Loved your take on drunken parties. Have been to one or two. But the best one was an Office Farewell Party where a completely out of tune senior decided to sing “Dil hai chhota sa, chhoti si aasha…” for the transferee Director to the chagrin of most attendees. One of the ladies ( the Director’s wife, so to speak) was just going to put an elegantly folded paan into the already orange cavern of her mouth, stopped midway and remained like that – paan held hand in mid-air – till the song ended…too flabbergasted to complete the ritual in-between.

    And as regards caller tunes – I think Bollywood score is better than an irritant commanding “Eh Phone Utha” or a condescending “Phone to chuk lo” announcing an incoming call…

    But the best is the uncontrollable giggle of a baby tickled into unfazed mirth…brings a smile on the lip of even the biggest ‘Hari Sadu’

    • hahaha, your comment is more hilarious than my entire post :D. i am trying to visualize the situation.

      yeah, i agree, if you really want to go for a caller tune then bollywood tunes are far better than anything else.

      thank you so much for reading this post :)

  26. Hi Debajyoti

    I hate caller tunes…Even if its my most favorite of all songs…esp when you are desperately trying to call someone and at the other end you hear a stupid song instead of the usual Trrng Trrng , it gives a feel that he/she is mocking at you ha ha

  27. haha, good one!!

    no interest in caller tunes though. =_=

  28. I really find (as you mentioned) this whole caller tune concept weird, & more than that why the caller gets charged for the same. No??? ;) :)

  29. Hi Debajyoti,

    Wonderful indeed, my friend! :-)

    What is it about alcohol and romantic songs! A friend of mine gets into his Bollywood ‘old skool’ after a few drinkypoos! :-)

    Looking forward to your next post, Debajyoti.

  30. Found in Folsom says:

    I always had a fancy to keep caller tunes, but could never succeed beyond having a ring tone…:(
    Hehehe…how do you get these funny crazy ideas, Deb? Ok now hopping over to the next part…:)

  31. Found in Folsom says:

    Btw, I hate to hear caller tunes on the cell I called to..however, I want them to hear when they call me..now, isn’t that sadism? :P

    • even i hate caller tunes these days but when i first got to know about it, i felt my life would have been incomplete without caller tunes. i used to change caller tunes almost everyday :). thank you so much for reading!

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