Internet, social networking, and me – part 2

Image source -

Image source –

After years of struggle, a select group of identical bipeds eventually earned the title ‘Social Animal.’ And their endeavor automatically qualified every Tom, Dick, and Harry to use the same title. This, understandably, infuriated a section of the populace while others were already bored of this clichéd and nondescript identity and decided to assume a more progressive one called ‘Social Networking Animal.’

Nations geared up to rise above all fear and apprehension; it was time for deliverance. It was time for one more page to be written in the history of human evolution…and primates invaded virtual world.

Meanwhile, my existence as a legitimate human being was in danger of getting wiped out of all the records, now available on social networking sites. I was labeled as a disparager. However, it was my ignorance that led to this miserable situation and not my aversion to change. During early days of facebook, I misapprehended it as just another matrimonial site; ergo, when personages from all walks of life ran around screaming, “I have registered myself on facebook,” I deemed this phenomenon an epic display of prenuptial frenzy and couldn’t fathom the true significance of this path-breaking invention.

After being subjected to an enormous amount of criticism, banter, and contempt; I finally locked myself behind closed doors, allowed a blue and white page to load on my system, and keyed in all the personal detail hitherto only known to my parents. However, by the time I created an account and contributed to the progress of human race, the world had moved on to the next level.

I was awakened to a world; the one that I was oblivious of. If it were not for facebook, I wouldn’t have realized that human had already embarked on a spiritual journey to attain eternal salvation. They buried all their pain and agony in the deepest, darkest corners of civilization and smiled for the sake of humankind. They smiled to dispel the darkness that was engulfing our universe and presented a vibrant, colorful, and blissful world.

God helps those who help themselves. There was no dearth of events in their lives to support this altruistic cause. And courteous that they were, they not only informed the entire world about the events taking place in their lives but also shared photographs of the same despite their busy schedules.

Tons and tons of photographs were shared on various walls about innumerable events taking place on the face of the earth. A whole new side of humanity unfolded in front of me.

Ashamed, aghast, I stepped out of my house; it was time for redemption. It was time to cross that bridge now that I had come to it…and I did.

There was mist in the air; and there was hope, there was optimism.

While the twilight dawned over my town, I walked out of Manjunath Studio with a winning smile and couple of passport size photographs in a contraption called pen drive. I crossed the bridge again and came back home, and subsequently shared those photographs on my facebook wall with a note, “hey, check out my pix!”

My dog shuddered in anticipation. There was lightning in the sky, and then the heavens opened to welcome a new star. Few drops of rain splattered across my face through the window. I spread my arms and screamed, “Yes!” But as strange as it may sound, those brilliant portraits of half length size somehow failed to create a widespread sensation on facebook. As raindrops trickled down my nose, I looked at my facebook wall in utter disbelief. I mopped my face and I hurriedly closed the window (my room’s window, you single-minded computer geeks!).

Unperturbed by my pictorial fiasco, I started updating status messages disregarding the apathy of my unspecified addressees. Research shows that an individual delivering monologues in public places can be classified under the category of lunatics, and albeit such behavior attracts a sizable audience but not many would initiate a public debate with that aforementioned individual. This phenomenon remained unchanged in virtual world as well and my quest to be part of a victorious genus met a premature end.

However, due to lack of activities in real world, I continued to fiddle with various options available on internet. I came across something called blog, conceptualized for the aid of HPD (histrionic personality disorder) afflicted individuals and can be used as a substitute for social networking sites. All was not lost yet, I latched onto this opportunity. I wanted to know the faces behind those user ids (even though it’s a known fact that barring Raone, no one, in recent years, has shown consistent behavioral patterns in both real and virtual world). I started writing cock and bull stories, and voila, they came! They came, they read, and they said, “Awesome!” With moist eyes and quivering voice, I whispered, “Thank you!”

I was quite enjoying this exercise. After years of injustice, my virtual identity was finally accepted… but God didn’t like my advancement. As per standard procedure, I was required to create a twitter account; which yielded no traffic but I had one more user id and password to remember. I again noticed a flurry of activities around me. Tons and tons of information was shared, while some made witty remarks. My education (or lack of it) failed me again. My credibility as a knowledgeable person was lost long ago following an enthusiastic participation in a quiz competition. However, making witty remarks was an option still available for me. An extensive search on google yielded few clever quotes. While doing a ctrl+c, my gaze fell on the next quote by some detractor called Mark Twain, which read, ‘it’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and clear all doubts,’ I complied.

My sincere apologies to my handful of twitter followers (who were doing timepass on my blog and accidentally clicked on the follow button) for letting you down. But today, in this historic moment, I swear upon your anti-corruption crusading blog that I will continue my search on google. I know and I believe that one day, I will find some tweetable quotes… one day, I will come out a winner.


By the way, I didn’t feel like searching for the first part (which is there somewhere in the archive) and I am sure, you are not dying to read that either.